"Whatever On Earth Would A

Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound
Purple and Green Striped Hippopotamus
with Orange Sneakers and An Attitude
Want for Christmas?"
Words and Music by Michael T. Remeck 1998
Illustration by Joseph Young 1998

On the night before Christmas

in a cozy house on a hill

all was quiet and still

'cept for maybe the Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound

Purple and Green Striped Hippopotamus with Orange Sneakers and An Attitude

now this wasn't your average Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound Purple

and Green Striped Hippopotamus with Orange Sneakers and An Attitude

'cause he didn't live in no faraway African jungle

or by some muddy pond in the Amazon

uh-uh! He lived under the bed of his good buddy Billy the kid!

No, not the gunslinger silly!

But the real Billy you know - the kid!

Well alright not your average kid 'cause he had as a pet a

Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound Purple and Green Striped

Hippopotamus with Orange Sneakers and An Attitude

and his attitude of late was pretty bad, wanting to know why

he couldn't have one o' them there swamps

put in Billy's backyard for rollin' 'round in!

and a bird, his very own personal good buddy bird to ride on his back y'see

like the other hippopotamus-s-s-ses he'd seen on that there animal show

where his long lost Uncle Remo yawned for the camera

makin' the whole family proud even though he had mud in his eye

and a bird on his back!

so that's where things stood on this Christmas Eve if you can believe

a Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound

Purple and Green Striped Hippopotamus

with Orange Sneakers and An Attitude singin':


Ho Ho Ho It's Christmas

What is it that you want

Say the word your very own bird

and a slimy muddy swamp!



Now this being the night before Christmas 'n all

Ol' 975...

(which was the name Billy had given him to sort of remind

this purple and green striped hippopotamus

how many pounds filled them orange sneakers...)

Ol' 975 stood sad faced and teary eyed

lookin' out at the freshly fallen snow

wanting to know why none of his dreams ever did come true!

not the one where he outran the safari jeep tourists in Pakistan

not the one where he lost nine hundred pounds and looked like

a purple and green striped greyhound

and certainly not the one where he swam upstream

to rescue his beloved Darlena from a pack of ravenous hyenas!

No, none of them dreams ever did come alive for Ol' 975!

'n so he pressed his elongated and wide nose

against the window

when what did he see below????

Fresh reindeer and sleigh tracks! Deep and wide!

and from inside - why it looked like the snow was changin' to rain

which would explain why he started dancin' the macarena

right there in Billy's room, singin':


Ho Ho Ho It's Christmas

What is it that you want

Say the word your very own bird

and a slimy muddy swamp!

The next mornin'...

Christmas mornin'...

Ol' 975 and Billy ran outside

on out to the backyard...

Billy's backyard...

when what they saw was....

what more could you want???

A slimy muddy swamp!

Well, almost anyway... about as wide as a sleigh!

and Ol' 975 splashed and grinned and rolled and yawned

when who should happen along but a very lost dodo bird

who landed on Ol' 975's back as Billy giggled and laughed

and suddenly we had...

A Nine Hundred and Seventy Five Pound

Purple and Green Striped Hippopotamus with Orange Sneakers and...

a very pleasant disposition!

'cause in his position he got his Christmas wish!

For a day anyway!

But some folks say Billy's out there

every morning with a garden hose!

So that he and me and you an' Ol' 975

and Dodo the bird can sing these words:


Name:
Email:
HomePage:
Where are
you from:
Comments: